Witty Quotes And Sayings

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the

pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
*** George Bernard Shaw***

I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one

begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts.
*** Sir Arthur Conan Doyle***

Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check

your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.
*** Ayn Rand***

If two things don’t fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden,

there must be a third thing that connects them, that’s credulity.
*** Umberto Eco***

Islam is a religion in which Allah demands you send your son to die for him; Christianity

is the faith in which God sent his son to die for you.
*** John Ashcroft***

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone; any more that she can be witty by

only the help of speech.
*** Kin Hubbard***

Catch a man a fish and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a

wonderful business opportunity.
*** Karl Marx***

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody

who can write better.
*** A. J. Liebling***

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is

terribly important.
*** Bertrand Russell***

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing

left to take away.
*** Antoine***

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally

good liar.
*** Jerome K. Jerome***

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other

alternatives.
*** Abba Eban***

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of

speech.
*** George Bernard Shaw***

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
*** Oscar Wilde***

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
*** Rene Descartes***

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
*** Friedrich Nietzsche***

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions the curtain was up.
*** Groucho Marx***

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors.
*** Jim Morrison***

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.
*** Jean Giraudoux***

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
*** Clarence Darrow***

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
*** Mark Twain***

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
*** Douglas Adams***

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
*** Frank Zappa***

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
*** Mark Twain***

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
*** Hermann Hesse***

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced an

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Wedding Or Boxing

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Toothbrush By Redneck

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck? If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a “teethbrush”.

Dumb Idiot

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Funny Football

Ques - How do you make a football pitch in to a triangle?? Ans - Take a corner This post was submitted by Tom Briggs.

Brilliant Doubts - Unanswered

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? 2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? 3.If the ‘black box’ flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? 4.Why do people say, ‘you’ve been working like a dog’ when dogs just sit around all day? 5.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? 6.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? 7.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? 8.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? 9.Why is it called a ‘building’ when it is already built? 10.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? 11.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Funny Questions

1. Can you imagine what the world would be without hypothetical questions? 2. If the 7 eleven stores are open 24/7 365 days a week why do they have doors? 3. Why they do not make planes with the same materials that they use to make the black box.

Funny Question Answers

Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE. Question : Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Answer : Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake. Question : How does a wise man tells a woman to keep quiet? Answer :You looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when your LIPS are CLOSED. Question : How can we reduce alcohol consumption Answer: Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY