Funny Jokes Latest Collection

Angel Protecting

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. “Who are you?” “I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered. “Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got married?” **********************************

Helping Others

A big, burly man visited the pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.” “How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?” The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “I’m the landlord,” he sobbed. **********************************

Funny Reasons For Not Going To School

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up. MOM: “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.” SON: “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.” MOM: “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.” SON: “One, all the children hate me.. Two, all the teachers hate me.” MOM: “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.” SON: “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?” MOM: “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.” **********************************

BE vs MBA

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep. Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says:”Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” The MBA replies, “I see millions of stars.” The BE asks, “What does that tell you?” The MBA ponders for a minute..”Astronomically speaking,it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent”. **********************************

Crazy Friends

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. “I have an idea,” said Mike. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.” “What, do you think I’m stupid? I have an idea. I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.” “What, do you think I’m stupid? You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.” **********************************

Below Sea Grade

A boy came home from school with his exam results. “What did you get?” asked his father. “My marks are under water,” said the boy. “What do you mean ‘under water’?” ” They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level!” **********************************

No Good Joke

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!